Hi! So, again, it has been quite awhile. However, I hope to do better this year. We are in January of 2019. Last October, I launch my little business called “The Candle, Bell & Wishing Well”. I am selling things thru the facebook page. I carry Posh pampering products (face masks, hand cremes, body scrubs) and I also carry incense and burners, crystal prisms, runes, and anything that makes me smile. 🙂 It’s been an exciting time and I have been very busy with it all. If you want to find out more about Posh, you can find my sales page at http://Angi.po.sh and if you want to see the products I am carrying, they are located in the photo albums on facebook. @CandleBellWW1 will find the fb page for you. That’s all for tonight! I hope 2019 finds you in fair shape and light of heart!

It’s been awhile. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Plans in the works for something exciting!

I just wanted to stop in and say hi. So it was May, the last time I posted. AND that means you haven’t heard about Stormy, the kitten we adopted from Lakeshore Human Society. She was 3 months when we found her. It was mid-June. She has been growing like a weed. She is now almost the same size as Colby, the 3 yr old, however, he has been growing lately too. I am doubtful they are going to be small to mid-sized cats. I think we are going to have cats that end up outweighing some dogs. I would hazard a guess that she is now 8-9 pounds and she is only about 9 months old at this point. We still have some more growing to do! So, it is also December. Hubby got  a new job this year and has taken over the home computer, which is where this is located. hahaha! He is out hunting right now so I thought I would steal a little computer time to find some recipes and give you a quick blurb. Not sure when I will be here again, but I hope you have a lovely holiday season and I hope 2017 finds you healthy and happy!

Shine On!

Angi

So much has happened!! So my older cat developed a couple tumors in the fatty layer of his skin. Took him to the vet a couple of times. He lost half his body weight before we discovered the problem. Poor baby had another tumor in his chest cavity, near where the esophagus meets the stomach. He was constantly throwing up everything he ate. We decided it would be more humane to put him down than to let him continue to starve to death. We had him cremated after and his ashes are in a lovely little wooden box. 😦 But on a better note, Hubby started a new job this past Monday. I really think this is going to be a better move for him and us, but the learning curve is steep! In spite of that, he already seems happier and more relaxed. I have every confidence that he is going to succeed at this in a spectacular fashion! It is directly related to his old job, but a different aspect so I hope those terrible, everlasting knots in his shoulders and back will eventually go away. At my work, we are embarking on several new projects. I love this part because it makes so many people happy, but it’s really awful on me. I stress out and push myself too hard. I hope I can find a pace for all of this that doesn’t end up with me injured in any fashion. So that is my quick summation. I figured I had better get something written or I was likely to give up altogether. I didn’t really want to do that so here we are. Spring is trying to spring and my other kitty is trying to adjust to a life where he is the only furbaby. The calendar continues to march on! Have a lovely day/month/year!

Shine On!

Angi

So. Two Saturdays ago, I went to a concert at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester NY. I went to see Ire Clad perform, as I have a friend in the band. And then last Saturday, I spent the evening with my hubby, even though he was playing pool. Tonight, however, I have just realized that it is 8pm and I haven’t had dinner yet. I, also, have just realized that I still need to make a trip to the grocery store for a few missing ingredients for dinner tomorrow night. AND I need to return a few bottles from Hubby’s never ending supply of Mt. Dew. But I don’t really feel like going out into the 32 degree weather for some sauerkraut and swiss cheese. But, if I do, I can pick up a veggie or two to go with the tofu that I have in the fridge for tonight’s dinner. However, I am not even sure I want to eat that and I may decide that it is simply easier to skip it and have some tomato soup with a grilled cheese sandwich. Or just peanut butter toast. ANNNNNNND I can hear the eyes rolling from here. “That’s certainly not a healthy dinner. What are you trying to do to yourself?”… yep. I heard that. Guess I’d better go figure that out. Have a lovely rest of the weekend!

Shine On!

Angi

I have no idea. What IS in a title? Should it be a snippet if what’s to come? Perhaps an image of what you are trying to represent? Or maybe just something fanciful that snares your imagination.  This is something I will need to ponder for a bit. But, in the meantime, if you enjoy hard rocking metal, look up the band “Ire Clad”. Those guys really seem to have that…. “thing”. You know. That sound that sets certain bands apart. I got to see their live show on last Saturday night. It was really good! They have a website to buy merchandise, including 2 albums. Also tickets to the next show. If you are near central NY, you should make some time to see them.
But I digress. Titles… what is the deciding factor that makes a title worth using?… hmmm. Happy Thursday everyone.

Shine On!
Angi

yep. It’s Saturday night again. Hubby is at pool league. “On Saturday?” you say? yes. On Saturday. And so it begins. I hate these nights. It all sounds very reasonable. I go to yoga classes on the other nights when he is at pool. This leaves me one night at home, alone, to do whatever my little heart desires. Because there are no yoga classes on Saturday night. However, I get stuck in my head and then waste hours wandering about the various social networks… Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, Yummly, Pinterest, Tumblr, Soundcloud, Spotify, Reverbnation, Word Press, You Tube. I am so very bored with all of this, but it’s the only way I can stay in touch with friends. My friends are scattered far and wide so it’s not like I can meet them at the local bar/coffeeshop/library to chat about how the week or month has been. We live in such a strange world. We are so connected that we have disconnected. I’m not even sure what to make of it all. I feel lost in the world and insignificant. I can’t seem to make heads nor tails of the world anymore. I am breathless and full of wonder yet depressed, angry and hateful at the same time. I feel as if I will burst. I don’t know how to separate any of this or how to let it out. I find people that make me want to punch them in the face for the ugly things that roll out of their mouths and I find others that take my breath away with the beauty in their souls. Some days, it is just EXHAUSTING. The emotional rollercoaster leaves my ears humming and my thoughts louder than the people who are trying to talk to me. Do I care too much? Perhaps it’s not caring, perhaps it’s just feeling too much. Is there a volume control? I know other people who believe they don’t feel enough. I think they are wrong. I think there is just sooooo much overload that they have gone numb. I don’t know what to tell my friends, family or even my Hubby. How do I tell them I am getting numb from everything and I need to find a way to get out of my head and just disconnect for a bit? That their crazy drama is making it worse and I don’t really want you to try to top my story with one of your own; that it’s not about who did this/that to so&so for x/y/z. It’s more like a pressure cooker and the only reason I am saying ANYTHING at all is that if I don’t, I will drive myself mad. Is this what happens to adrenaline junkies that end up getting themselves killed in some mad stunt? A little more of something that breaks thru the numbness. Next time, just a little more. Then maybe 2 more… but you still owe me 4 and I can’t get that out of my head. And the days roll into weeks, roll into days, then years and… Holy shit. I have been at my current job since 2008, making it 8 years since I was working in a store. I have been friends with several people since I switched into my “new” position and some I have been friends with for much, much longer. Wow. I will have to ponder about this for awhile. It occurs to me that I’ve known Jeff for about 15 years now. And Peter & Gary for 8. And Jason for 7. And I don’t know which year I met Kathy or Bette but I’ve known one much longer than the other. But I have to say that I am just finally beginning to dump some of that traumatic stress that I acquired during that last year “in the stores.” I can actually discuss it without setting things on fire from the heated anger of my aura. LOL. I jest… almost. I still look angry, but I don’t look like a nuclear blast is about to burst from my eye sockets anymore. So I guess I have a cleaning project to begin. Tonight I am going to finish cleaning the dishes in the sink. And tomorrow, I will begin by cleaning the laundry. And then I will begin the task of making a usable space for my treadmill again. Since I have started yoga, I have been feeling better and I think it’s time to add another layer to start being more supportive to my spine and hips. I think walking would be a good start since it’s the damn hip joint and S.-I. that is giving me the most trouble. As I strengthen those thru walking, I can keep them flexible with yoga. I am going to need to add something in a couple months to help with the upper back and arm strength, but I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet. I’m really hoping the cleaning and the additional exercise will help me find a way to break thru the cocoon that swaddles me on Saturday nights when I don’t have Hubby here to keep me grounded in the now. I feel like my brain just floats away into what if’s/maybes/might have beens/could have beens/if x/y/z happens then a/b/c will be the first thing I need to do….. Yes. This is my train of thoughts tonight and yes, I type as fast as I think when this happens and yes, both my typing and my thoughts are faster than I can verbalize any of it and no if you ask, I am not going to answer any questions that you might ask me about this and no, I don’t want to make a regular “date” so I can avoid these night because in all actuality, I probably need more of them so I can get my head on straight and finally accomplish what I need to do instead of sitting and wasting all of this time in front of the computer. Ah. There it is. Full-circle. And I am here. Sitting in front of the computer on one of the afore-mentioned sites, knowing that this will be scrutinized by some and ignored by others and wondering if my Hubby will EVER read this because quite frankly, I don’t know that he will. And sometimes I just want him to know that this is the crazy shit that runs thru my head when he’s not around. And this is why I get so upset when he is gone. Because I think I might be a little too lonely and a little too disconnected and I really have no idea how to reconnect with the world and I don’t know how to do it without wanting to hide under a rock or in a closet or up a tree where only the special people will find me. I want to stand outside in the grass with my bare toes looking at the moon and feeling it’s magical light spill thru the trees and replenish my soul. I want to hear water splashing nearby as my eyes adjust to the moonlight. I want to listen to the frogs and crickets. I want to drink in the magic in the summer nights. The breeze in my hair. Strong arms around me. But it’s February in Western NY state. Way too cold for any of that. So I guess it’s warm fuzzy night pants and fleece tops until the weather warms up enough. And cleaning. I think I am going to try to do this every Saturday night. Maybe I can keep the crazies at bay until the weather gets warm enough for me to run in circles outside under the moon. I’m really not crazy. There is just too much in my head and I need an outlet. And no. My thought run faster than my mouth ever will and yes, sometimes my mouth tries to keep up but then it trips on itself and everything gets tangled and I stand there stuck on trying to say a word and I just have to stop. Take a deep breath. Try again. And then if I am lucky, I can continue with what I am saying but most people take that as a sign that I am done speaking so I never really get to finish saying anything when I start to stutter and trip over my words. But that is neither really here nor there so have a lovely evening. I have to see if I can get this to slow down enough to sleep tonight.

Shine On!

Angi

So. Here we are. It is Sunday. This year things have flipped on their head. Instead of having pool league on Sunday, the way it has been for the past 10 years, THIS session is on Saturday nights. This distresses me since just this year, I finally found something to do besides sit home and fight depression. This year, a yoga studio has opened in the area and it has been my saving grace. I pay for an unlimited number of classes so I can go whenever I care to. So I have been attending classes on every night Hubby goes off to play pool. I have been steadily and slowly losing weight & reshaping my body while giving me something to focus on instead of teetering at the brink of depression and finally falling into that black well. Last night, I went to join Hubby later in the evening. And then I seriously misjudged my capacity for drinking. Ooops. At least he was there to drive me home. So today I am doing quite well with very little hangover effects. And I get to go to yoga tonight and refocus on what I am doing in the world.

I hope you are having a day as lucky as mine. And I hope you also find a productive way to fight your inner demons. I started swinging at mine on June 1st,  2015. They aren’t  gone by any means, but I feel this might be the year that I manage to avoid that winter trap that they have consistently set for me.

Wishing you the best of days!
Shine On!
Angi

So, Tuesday was my Grandmother’s 90th birthday. Today the family is gathering to celebrate with her. It will be nice to see her and the rest of the clan. I hope all goes well.
Shine on!
Angi

So it is now December 26th. Weather is still holding up. Facebook has been puking up memories from Christmas 2009. It makes me want to cry. That was the last Christmas that I got to celebrate with my Dad. He loved Christmas. As did his father before him. As do I. But now it also makes me sad. I feel like I am at loose ends right now. Not really sure what to do with myself. It’s been a crazy month. Well, keep plugging along!
Shine On!
Angi